Unique Like Everyone Else

Tricks and Treats

Even when it refuses to dip below 90 degrees outside, fall is welcomed with our annual trip to Lombardi Ranch to pick pumpkins and wander through the artful creations of Scarecrow Alley. 

 

Mrs. Do-er's account of the day is lovely, and I highly recommend you visit her post for a little more detail on the day's happenings.

The kids made it easy on me for Halloween costumes this year.  J-Boy went as Luigi, a favorite video game character.  What made it so easy was that he was Luigi's brother, Mario, a few years ago!  All he needed was to swap a red shirt and hat for green, change the shape of the moustache, and ignore the floods-y overalls that he's all but outgrown!

J-Girl rose from the grave as a dead ballerina.  It was fun making the tutu that she designed.

J-Boy says this was the "best Halloween ever!  It's the best one in ten years, and I've only been alive for ten years!"  Wow!  That's saying something!  What made it so good?  Well, for him I'm sure it had a lot to do with having a couple friends along to Trick-or-Treat with him.  In the past it's just been the case that J-Girl has an entourage and J-Boy gets left in a wake of ruffles, lace, and leotards.  He's usually ready to head home after a couple blocks of door-to-door.  With a couple buddies along he was game for WAY more trick-or-treating.  I think we went four times farther than ever before! 

Wait!  This is not everyone!  Where are those other three girls????

Finishing up the details of their costumes.  Now we are ready to hit the streets!

We ran into some old friends on our journey!  Clark Kent and his Gryffindor Gal Pal!

 

Big Daddy dressed up earlier.  Just another reason why I love him so.  I nearly peed my pants laughing when he tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was ready to fight crime in Hawaii in his Ferrari!

  
   

Another treat this year was getting invited to a Halloween parade!  I've been spending a little time each week with my little buddy, KB.  Her mom, Eeyore, and I used to work together.  (I'm not saying she is a purple donkey or that she has a gloomy disposition, but if I have to pick up that GD tail of her's one more time, I might take out her knee!) 

 

 

 

I think part of what made it so great was the rarity that Halloween fell on a Saturday this year.  That means no rushing about after a full day of work and school, trying to cram dinner and homework in and getting back in time for the sugar-rush and excitement to wear off a bit before getting to bed at a decent hour.  Last year we never got around to carving our pumpkins.  (In fact, we we also left them on our porch way past Easter!  It kinda became a running joke.)  This year we carved the pumpkins, roasted the seeds, had everyone over for a relaxing BBQ before our trick-or-treating. I agree with J-Boy, it was the best Halloween in ten years!  No tricks, all treats!

Making a Name for Myself

I've done it.  I've become known about town as the (weird) Turtle Lady.  It started out innocently enough, as these things usually do.  But then it got out of hand, and I really only have myself to blame. 

Before J-Boy was diagnosed with Autism, we were seeing a counselor in hopes of teaching him some coping techniques to ward off emotional meltdowns.  She incorporated a cute turtle puppet and a little booklet called The Turtle Story by Eric Dlugokinski, Ph.D., "in which a wise old turtle teaches younger turtles to recognize and accept their feelings, pause and gain their composure, think about their options for action, and act on their best choice."  J-Boy seemed to buy into the idea, with a bit of a literal interpretation, and to this day will sometimes "turtle" when he needs to escape a situation or make himself feel less vulverable.

If there is one thing we've learned on this journey through Autism-Land, it's capitalize on what works and use lots of positive reinforcement.  And so we brought home a turtle, Kooper, for a family pet.

Then we brought home Dr. Jones.  Then J-Girl's sewing teacher gave us Ash and Marina.  The babies died.    We got Maui from the pet store.  While I was cleaning the tank one day, Maui wandered off in the house somewhere. I chronicled my hunt for her via Facebook status updates. 

"It's 3 a.m.  Do you know where your turtle is?  Not behind the oven."

I think those posts were the foundational building blocks of my "reputation".  We gave up on Maui.  But a month later, a MONTH later!, J-Girl found her under the TV table on top of the cable box, a place we'd looked many, many times during her absence.   She was skinny but alive. 

In the meantime, I had put Dr. Jones out back in the pond.  She wandered off within a week never to be seen again.  But, when Maui reappeared we adopted Dilly to keep her company.  When Dilly wandered off, I posted these signs around the neighborhood:

Luckily, she wandered back on her own, if not with a little encouragement from the Do-er's amazing turtle-finding dog.  (She left the pond twice more, each time recovered with the help of that dog!)  Now, however, not only did my Facebook friends know of my reptilious reputation, the neighbors did, too.  That's when Janet came our way.  And Emerald.  And Aerial.  I've become the one to call when there are unwanted turtles that need a home. 

So, what is it that separates me, Weird Turtle Lady, from becoming the Crazy Cat Lady of lore?

A thin sheet of aquarium grade plexi-glass...that's what.

 

 

In the Right Context

Even a broken watch is correct twice a day. 

This is the one time of year that the Mannequin House, ironically, does not seem so creepy.

 

 

Monstrous Homework Assignment

J-Boy is doing his homework.  He's coming up with root words that the suffix "ness" can be added to.  He got started pretty easily:  happy (happiness), sad (sadness), mad (madness).  Then he got stuck.  He asked for help.  I'm not one to just spoon-feed answers.  I try to give hints and clues.  So I said, "Think of something that has to do with water."  Wetness would be the logical answer, right?  Well, J-Boy says, "Lock."  And I think, "Lock?" and then I realize he is saying "Loch."  And I say in my head "Loch Ness." 

I am rolling on the floor!  He can be so clever!  And yet, there he sits, deadpan.  "Mom.  Why aren't you helping me?" 

"You are so funny!" I say. 

"So, is 'loch' right?"

"You're joking, right?"

"No."

"LOCH-Ness????  C'mon!  You are so funny!"

"Oh!  No!  I wasn't trying to be funny, but that is funny!"

That definitely cured my homework blues for the night!
 

Fire in the Bowl

We spent a lot of time on our backyard this summer.  Once the pond was put in, it was easy to ignore (or at least be "ok with") the expanse of dirt that reamained.  I think we looked at it more as an empty canvas, our own personal land-of-opportunity.  We embraced it for what it was. 

J-Girl made little bowls and such out of the natural clay in the dirt.

We dug a hole and had some lovely camp fires.  Why not?

Some battles ensued, but for the greater good.

And then we got busy.  We graded.  We trenched.  We irrigated.  We placed in some stone.

We built a wall.

We laid some sod.

And with the fading days of summer, we sat back and relaxed.

Yesterday was the first sign of fall, as the temperature dipped below 80° and there was a slight breeze.   We ate every meal outside.  And thought, what about dessert?

 

The kids were so excited when the new "S'more Station", as Big Daddy calls it, was brought home.  It's a bit of an upgrade from a hole in the ground.  We are looking forward to further temperature dips in this California desert.  We are ready!  We are ready for s'more!

  
 

B-O-na fide

Ah, to be a proud parent.  Even the little things that we, now grown, take for granted in everyday life are such incredibly miraculous and momentous occasions to celebrate when our kids conquer them for the first time.  The excitement of first words, first steps.  I can remember exactly where and when I realized that J-Girl had ougrown her size small sleeper and needed a medium.  "A medium!!!  My little girl wears a medium!!"  (She was three months old and I was getting her ready for bed on the counter between the two sinks in my parents' master bath.  Momentous, for sure.)  So, you can only imagine the joy, no, the pride I felt when J-Boy came over to sit on my lap and I realized that the funk that just invaded my personal space was B.O.  "Deoderant!!!  My little boy needs deoderant!!" 

As I made a special trip to the market this evening to arm my kid with the proper toiletries needed for this rite of passage I started thinking:  is it strange that I feel proud?  And as I contemplated the source of my emotion and rationalized my feelings I remembered a story that really spoke to me the first time I heard it.  It is a story that I read long ago explaining fundamental differences between some Eastern religions and philosophies. 

It is the story of The Vinegar Tasters. 

The story goes that the three men in the picture are Confucius, Buddha, and Lao Tse.  They are standing over a vat of vinegar, and each has dipped in a finger and had a taste.  Their reactions lend a simplified explanation of each one's philosophy, as the vinegar itself represents the essence of life.  Confucius has a sour expression, as his view of the world is sour; the way to peace is through rules and organization.  Buddha bears a bitter countenance; the world is a bitter place full of attachments and suffering.  Lao Tse smiles.  He is appreciative of the vinegar's nature and respectful of how good the vinegar is at what it does.  

So maybe that is where my pride is stemming from.  J-Boy makes some damn fine body odor.  Good job, sweetie!  Way to go!  A+!  You really mastered that!  Mommy is sooooo proud of you!  

 

Depends on How You Look At It

Perspective.  Outlook.  My mom gave me a notepad long ago, and I like to think that I strive to live this philosophy:

   

For a person with Autism, however, life can often feel like an unmanageble percentage of stuff not only happening to you, but actually coming after you personally.  It is the "auto" in "autism", meaning "self".  Not self-centered in an egotistical, arrogant way, but in a way in which things are felt so strongly, so sensitively, that there is no way to see beyond the self in a situation. 

J-Boy had a REALLY hard day last week.  School seemed to be fine; he came home with a perfect behavior report.  But...then...he let it...all...go.  I don't think I can explain how he was feeling, how he was behaving.  It never comes across right.  But I can tell you how I felt.  I felt helpless and small.  I felt like his autism was "really big" that afternoon and I couldn't get in there to fix it or calm it.  Nothing I could do or say, no loving touch, no pained and understanding gaze--I felt powerless. 

Is this a kind of art therapy?  I got a visual of my feelings and decided to try and illustrate them on the computer: 

 

That's me in the biplane trying to get close enough to tranquilize the beast.  Why are we in San Francisco?  Because that was the best Godzilla picture I could find that would work with the photo of the J-Monster.  And, truth be known, I have used chocolate as a way to redirect his focus successfully in the past.  "Just turn around, J-Zilla!  Look, there behind you!  An entire chocolate factory to sweeten and soothe you!"

Yes, I think it is a form of therapy.  I had an amazing moment of enlightenment while creating that image.  My original plan had been to have that picture of J-Boy juxtaposed with a tiny picture of me to illustrate how small I felt in that meltdown moment.  I came across this picture that I thought would be useful:

I wasn't able to find the image on the website it was linked to, BUT, look at what the website is:

 

"Through the eyes of autism"

 

Oh, oh, OHHH!!  That's not ME with J-Zilla approaching!  That's J-Boy!  (In a skirt?)  No, but the small one is the one with AUTISM!  Not Godzilla!  J-Boy is reacting to a Godzilla-world surrounding him.  He is overwhelmed by it.  You know what they say to do if you encounter a bear in the woods?  "Make yourself look big."  It is a survival skill.  Stand up on your tiptoes, raise your arms over your head.   Breathe fire, roar, destroy buildings and trample townspeople.  (Oops, they don't recommend that last part anymore.)

Actually, it's not often that I feel sorry for myself or powerless as the mother of a kid with autism.  But I'm human, so of course I have my moments.  But I am amazed at what I find to lift myself up when I do slip down there.  I just have to keep it in the right perspective.   

The Morning Drive

Ah, back to the daily grind of taxi-ing the kids to and from their various learning institutions... And, speaking of institutions, I am delighted to bring you the End-of-Summer and Back-to-School editions of

Mmmmannequin Mmmmmadness!!!!!

**A photo documentation of WTF kind of crazy** 

First Day of School - Aloha to Summer?

 

 

 

Second Day of School - Homecoming Queen?

 

 

It's good to have a hobby, right?  I'll be sure to keep you posted on the latest.  So aweome!

It Didn't Take Long

I knew it was jut a matter of "when", not "if" but "when". 

I've always known it.  And yet, when I agreed to help out at the Junior High on that first day of school, I was still surprised, shocked, really, to the point of forcing down the lump in my throat to keep it from springing tears from my eyeballs. 

You could tell the difference between the 7th graders and the 8th graders so easily.  Just one year apart, yet so, so far apart.  And yet, how quickly those 7th graders are ready and willing to close that gap.

Yes, the other day she expressed an interest in starting to wear makeup.  "Just a little mascara--nothing too noticable.  A few of my friends do, and I think it looks good, not too made-up, just pretty.  And maybe a little eye shadow, too."  "Eye shadow? (*gulp*)"  "Yeah, just a little; maybe green."  "Green??"  "Or blue..?.."  "BLUE???"  "Yeah, just a little..."  <OMG, stay calm...fight the fright!>  "Oh, OK.  Yeah, we can look into that.  We'll have to see what's out there and have some lessons in putting it on...Blue?" "Yeah, Mom...Maybe...just a little..." 

Look at those lashes!  Do they NEED mascara??

 

 

"J-Girl," I say as we are both preening in front of the bathroom mirror, "You are so pretty;  you are lucky to be skpping over the ugly-ducking-awkward-stage I went through."  "Aww!" she replies humbly, with an inflection that says, "Poor you, Mom.  That must have been hard."

Our weekend was jam-packed with activities.  We didn't make it to the store to explore the cosmetics available to preteen girls and acceptable to mothers of said preteen girls.  "Sorry, honey.  We'll try to make time during the week."

"Don't worry, Mom.  I'm not in any hurry."

She always knows the right thing to say.   Thank you, J-Girl.  You are beautiful and I love you! 

 

Moving On to Middle School

"Where does the time go?  It goes into growing into a beautiful young lady, developing and feeding an exceptional scholarly mind, maturing and amazing, keeping your parents swollen with pride.  J-Girl graduated from Elementary School and is heading on the Junior High in the Fall! "

That's as far as I got on a blog post I started in June.  We have been on-the-go all summer long, and now the Fall is here!  (I mean, I guess that's what we still call it even when school began on AUGUST 13th!) 

I am amazed at the growth J-Girl has made in the past year, these past weeks.  The kid is READY for Junior High.  They must do a top-notch job at the orientation, painting a landscape of opportunity and freedom, erasing the vast of darkness and unknowns.  The transition away from elementary school was not a teary one, and yet that time is filled with fond memories, terrific teachers, and a wealth of knowledge and nurture.

And J-Boy is in the FIFTH GRADE!  Somehow, that blows me away more than having a kid in Junior High.  Perhaps its because he is my "baby", yet not so much a baby anymore.  Fifth graders are Big Kids.  Big Kids care about what their hair looks like.  Big Kids say things like, "The girls like my hair long." 

So, here they are, my two lovelies, off to take over the world.  You will always be my babies.  Here's to a fantastic school year!  Enjoy every adventure, and don't grow up too fast!