Unique Like Everyone Else

Changing Interests

I knew it had happened.  With one kid in High School and the second one, the baby, now in Junior High, I knew Big Daddy and I had entered a new stage of parenting.  So often the day-to-days can just morph into each other such that you don't realize you've been making little subconscious adjustments to how you interact with your kids, how you treat them, how they've been maturing, how their interests are evolving.

And then it hits you one morning while making their school lunches, that little act of kindness, that mom ritual that sends them off for the day with a little bit of your love.  It hits you when you are packing up the Go-gurt.

 

 

"Oh my!  It's time to make a change! 
I need to pack the tube with the
cute girl on it into J-Boy's lunch,
and the one with the cute boy into J-Girl's lunch." 

 

Whoa!  My babies!  I'm not even sure what else to say! 
Mama fall down, go BOOM!

Sew Crafty Halloween

 Happy (belated) Halloween, Everybody! 
Say hello to Liechtenstein and Finn!

 

sources: http://hetalia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Traditional_Liechtenstein.PNG and
http://adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/File:Finn.PNG

 

Whew!  J-Girl and I really put our sewing machine to task this Halloween!  J-Girl made her skirt and sash from scratch, altered a black blouse from Goodwill into a corseted vest, and fabricated a black stand-up collar out of the vest scraps.  J-Boy's Finn hat and backpack were experiments all the way, sculpting, pinning, cutting, sewing, fitting (seam ripping, repinning, refitting, sewing wrong sides out, seam ripping....I think that backpack was put together and taken apart every step of the way!)  But the results made for a happy kid!

 

Whoa, J!  Watch out for that Aperture Laboratories Test Subject!  He's aiming a portal gun straight at your head!  I always thought it would be cool to get inside that mind of yours, but, hey, I didn't mean it literally! 

 

ALTS, aka "Death", aka "Dr. Jekyll", is looking quite official in his Lab gear and identification badge!

 

 ALTS was hanging out with J-Boy a few weeks ago and had this great idea that they could make portal guns with Big Daddy's help.  BD was game and took the boys to the hardware store to research and commandeer some materials. 

So creative!  I love that he bought a couple of small, white trashcans
(see in the background, there?) to cut out the molded, curved plates he needed.

J-Boy's peers and younger recognized his character right off,
but ALTS got "the nod" from all the older teens and twenty-somethings.  :)

With their backpack candy collectors, the boys quickly developed a system to deposit the treats.  At first they struggled with their own bags, then taking each other's candy and putting it into the rightful bag, and finally, just putting the candy they got into the other guy's bag.  The coolest part of this system is that they got to know what each other liked, candy-wise, and started picking the other guy's favorites to put into his bag for him.

 

J-Girl has been a big fan of the anime Hetalia for a couple of years now.  She has made various cosplays (a fan contraction of "costume role play", I think.  And I think calling the anime fans' dress up clothes "costumes" is like calling an "action figure" a "doll".  Ah, but I digress...)  Last year she was the character "Taiwan" and her friend Ray-Ray was "Hungary".  They went to the Anime Expo in LA this summer as "Liechtenstein" and "England", and this Halloween they dressed as alternative renditions of those same characters.

 

 She magically whipped up Ray's blue cape and vest after school on the 31st, and Big Daddy got to work on that little blue top hat.  Bless her heart, she was working all the way up till it was time to head out trick-or-treating.

 

I took the opportunity to snap some shots of Neighbor B. and her buddy.

The girls headed out solo for the second year in a row.  I guess it's a rite of passage of sorts.  We left with the boys before they headed out, and they were gone when we got back.  So responsible, though.  J-Girl made a note and set out our candy for the trick-or-treaters to take.

We brought the bowl in when we got home, and leave it to J-Boy to notice
that "one piece of candy is being contradictory to the sign."

Let it be known that Big Daddy and I NEVER dress up for Halloween.  I don't think it is necessarily burn out from all the themed college parties we attended way back when, so much as we've made the holiday all about the kids.  But this year, perhaps because our kids are now in junior high and high school, or because there was an expectation that Big Daddy costume up for work at the freelance gig he's got right now, but he got into the spirit and put together an awesome boxer costume for himself.  The piece de resistance was the championship title belt he crafted from cardboard and high resolution internet photos and had slung over his shoulder. 

 

Even cuter,  however, is the fact that he's since hung it on the wall in our room. 
Unless Clive Owen comes a-knockin', Big Daddy will forever be my undisputed champ. ;)

The belt hangs proudly next to the cowboy mask that J-Boy gave him for Fathers' Day this year.  Wait a minute....is this actually Big Daddy's "vision board"????  Well, I made one in 2010 with a new refrigerator and a tortoise on it.  If I'm still waiting on those, then it may be a while before these goals manifest for the man!   

 Finally, because we had been invited to a Halloween party, I had to come up with a costume, too.  Goodwill glasses and dress, a borrowed wig from J-Girl, and I am ready to go-go!

We sure had a good time!  The best was running into someone I met at the party a couple days later and them not recognizing me because then I was a blonde!  Ha-ha!  I don't know that blondes have more fun, but I could see having some fun in a disguise!  Hey, J-Girl, I'm gonna keep that wig for a little longer, 'kay?  Yes, a happy Halloween, indeed!

 

Even cuter,  however, is the fact that he's since hung it on the wall in our room.  Unless Clive Owen comes a-knockin', he'll forever be my undisputed champ.)

On Boredom

Like many kids of this generation, J-Boy is a video game fanatic, always with a handheld gaming device on his person, that device usually on and in use, his head bent down and his longish, Junior High hair hanging forward helping to block any glare on the screen (and, perhaps, any glare from his mother...).  Somehow the stimulation is calming to him.  Maybe it drowns out all other stimulation that can be overwhelming, especially to a person with autism. 

I know that this obsession is not an "autism" thing.  Or a "kid" thing.  Put the portable gaming system into the more general category of "handheld technology" and there are many, many an adult who can't or won't disconnect from their various iThings during any lull in the day's flow of activity.

I was driving J-Boy to school the other morning and as we pulled out of the driveway he flipped open his 3DS and the battery died before we were a block away from the house.  We didn't have time to go back for him to grab a charger or his PSP-Go (I know, he's kinda spoiled) as a back up plan.  So I knew we needed to use the drive time to strategize how his day would go when he got free time during at school that he would usually spend pacifying himself with video games. 

To my relief, he seemed positive and calm.  We quietly drove along, listening to the radio.  Then he started a conversation:

J-Boy:  "Mom, I think I know how music was invented, and I think it is genius."

Me:  "Oh, yeah?  Tell me!"

J-Boy:  "Well, sometimes when I'm bored, I will just start tapping with my fingers and it gets sort of, like, into a rhythm.  And I think that's how it got started, by someone just being bored.  Then someone was playing around with some string and figured out that if you pluck it when it is different lengths then it'll make different sounds."

Ooo!  Knock, knock!  Opportunity, here!

While trying to keep it conversational, I went into a little dissertation on boredom, the importance of boredom, the luxury of boredom, the skill required to be "productively bored."

We discussed Early Man and his trecherous day-to-day fight for survival, how exhausting that must have been.  And before fire, how long and scary those nights could have been.  Early Man did not have the luxury of boredom; there is not really "down time" when life itself must be protected and fought for each day.

We talked about how as humans gained skills and made discoveries, tools, and inventions they gained some efficiency in meeting life's basic needs, allowing time for play, art, music, and even more tools and invention.

J-Boy found humor in the irony that this talk about boredom started because he was bored.   But he seemed to understand that giving the mind a break from constant occupation and stimulatory input would allow some of the information in there a chance to digest and perhaps grow into different or even bigger ideas and thoughts.  He seemed to "get" that one should feel very lucky to experience boredom because it must mean that all their other needs are being met.

Now, I'm not sure if this last bit was meant to be a genuine compliment, or a crack about me sitting around on my A#% all day, but as he gets out of the car at school he says to me,

"Mom, you live very efficiently.  Bye!"

Well, thanks to many a modern invention, yes, yes I do.

 

 

Coin a Phrase

I was lounging this past weekend, flipping through the latest issue of Real Simple magazine. 

First off, can I just point out how fashion forward I am with the bed linens that perfectly coordinate with the color trends featured on the magazine cover?  Lol!

 

Usually I breeze past the ads, but this one caught me off guard and by surprise:

 

Apparently J-Boy has been moonlighting as a marketing exec for Origins cosmetics! 

 

He came up with the term "Night-a-mins" when he was 7 years old to distinguish the Flinstone chewables variety from the medication he was taking before bed to help with some of the extreme behaviors he was demonstrating due to his then recent diagnosis of autism.  He is always so clever with word play! 

It was a very difficult decision to put J-Boy on medication.  At the time, he had just been diagnosed, and our family was in crisis.  Not because of the diagnosis; that news was actually a blessing.  The diagnosis gave us a a name for what we were dealing with, as well as much needed  direction in educating ourselves and seeking guidance in parenting this unique kid who totally defied our parenting instincts and the practices that had worked so beautifully with J-Girl.  We loved J-Boy and were afraid that any medication would squelch all the fun-loving personality he had, and leave us with an empty shell.  But, his emotional breakdowns kept us walking on eggshells, never knowing what might unleash the Tasmanian Devil that whirled through the house, injuring himself, his sister, me, and any number of material objects including mirrors, cameras, cutting boards, etc. 

The low dose medicine was to target the "frequency, intensity, and duration" of J-Boy's daily, Defcon 1 level, 2 hour tantrums.   And the plan made with his doctor was that this was a temporary solution that would allow J-Boy some inner peace and calm that would be a condusive state in which to learn some coping skills.  We decided we would try it, with baited breath and a skeptic eye, ready to pull the plug on the experiment if we did not like the effects we were seeing.  We were pleasantly surprised.  While his behaviors weren't eliminated, they were definitely de-escalated. 

And now, J-Boy no longer takes Night-a-mins.  He has matured and grown, and has gained so much poise and control.  I was so afraid of losing him behind a veil of drugs.  But we never did.  He was more lost to us when he was struggling, so miserable with emotions and feelings that were bigger than he was, bigger than any of the tools he had to work with.  We look upon the skills he's learned with the same pride as his learning to walk, or ride a bike.  It's like we took off the emotional training wheels and he's cruising along on his own, with the occasional look back smile that says, "Look, Mom!  No hands!" 

Sometimes My Brilliance Astounds Me

We are only two weeks into the school year, and already I am bored with making lunches for the kids.  Especially J-Boy.  In addition to having a narrow palette of foods he finds acceptable or even tolerable, when you add the persnickety/perfectionist aspect of presentation, I am limited even further by what will travel well in his soft-sided lunchbox.  While we've come a LONG way, I can't tell you how many cereal bars I ate when he was under the age of 5 that were "ruined" because they broke in half before he was able to take the first bite.

J-Girl adopted a bento-box style lunch carrier, from Laptop Lunches, a couple years ago.  At first I found the constraints of the hard sided partitions and case to be annoying, but soon I learned to love it.  I can't talk J-Boy into using one, though.  Even with his love of things Japanese.  If they made a digital one, he would probably be into it, for the greatest thing to come out of Japan for him is video games.  If I could download meals to get him some HP ("Health Points" = strength, energy in video games), that would be awesome!

So, back to the boredom...I decided to spread peanut butter between graham cracker squares to change up the ol' PB&J.  When I thought about how they would fare in the lunchbox, though, I pictured a sticky mass of crumbs that would never get eaten.  My problem was that I didn't have an available plastic reusable container that the graham crackers could fit in.

What I DID have, however, was the box that the graham crackers came in! 

 

VICTORY!!

Who's Your Santa?

I was folding laundry yesterday.  Christmas was a solid eight months ago, today being Sept. 2, right? 

 

 

Wait a minute -- I think these pajama pants are actually from the 2009 holiday season.  So that is a good year-and-a-half-plus that these babies have been making their way through the Flaherty Fluff 'n' Fold.

 

 

This is not a post about wearing Christmas clothes off season.  No, I really couldn't care less about what is worn when or with what.  White pants after Labor Day?  Go for it.  Flannel PJ's with a Santa motif in summer?  Knock yourself out. 

 

 

No,  this post is about unknowingly, yet perhaps, subliminally encouraging your now twelve (then ten!) year old kid not only to drink beer, but to "heart" beer and to share beer, and to drink beer in large quantities. 

 

        

 

Eighteen months have passed, and yet, I never noticed that the new jammies the Christmas Elf delivered to J-Boy one joyous Chistmas Eve had anything other than cute polar bears with eco-friendly messages mixed with rockin' guitars,  skulls in Santa hats, and the smarmy "Who's Your Santa?" designs.  I guess I...I mean, that Elf needs to be a more careful shopper now that my baby has outgrown the mainstays of the kids' department.  These PJ's are an Adult XS.

 

Hey, J-Boy!!  Be a good lad and go crack Mama open a cold one, will ya'?  Atta Boy!

 

Ha!  If you could only feel the discomfort he is emitting while indulging me with this pose!
I sure do love that kid! 

Now, seriously, give me that beer...

 

Anti-Social Skills

So, we were having lunch with some friends the other day, and the subject of fluffernutter sandwiches came up.  You know, peanut butter and marshmallow creme on--presumably, a must--white bread? 

 

Well, I was called out for being a horrible mother to have deprived my kids of such deliciousness, and J-Boy was immediately sent to the neighboring supermarket with his friend to go purchase a couple jars of fluff.

While the boys were on their errand the conversation turned to the importance of teaching our A-boys (our boys both have autism) life skills with these sorts of small tasks and doses of independence. It is essential that they be able to communicate their needs and access the community.  The whole process of finding the item in the grocery that they need, standing in line, paying with cash and making change, interacting with the store employees, etc., while second nature to us adults, can be a lot to navigate for a child.

Impressed by their quick return from accomplishing their goal, I chuckled as I asked them for details of their quest. 

"Haha!  What did the lady at the register think of you two boys going to the store just to buy marshmallow fluff?  Did she ask you what kind of mischief you were up to?  Haha!"

"No.  We just used the Self-Checkout."

 

Ah, technology. 
I think these kids are not only going to be just fine,
but may literally rule the world. :)

 

Hidden Treasure

J-Girl has been a lucky duck.  Neighbor B moved in when she was 6 years old, and the two of them have been peas in a pod ever since.

 

There is another girl in J-Girl's class that lives across the street, and for a few short months there was yet another female classmate who, with her mom, was staying with friends on our little cul de sac, too.  

As kind as these girls are to J-Boy, sometimes including him in their activities or joining him in his, it just isn't the same as playing with his own friends.  We do our best to keep a decent flow of dudes passing through the house on weekends, and he is invited over to their houses equally as much.  But there are times when the envy, the unfairness gets the better of him.  It seems so unjust that his friend-time is something that has to be scheduled, planned in advance, when J-Girl can just wander next door on a whim and, BOOM, half the day--if not the whole weekend--is spent with her bestie. 

The house directly across the street from us went on the market.  It had been a rental, and with every new tenant we always kept our fingers crossed that a nice boy about J's age would move in.  Never happened.  The Palooza's moved in;  they are young, it's their first house, and they only have furry babies for now.  *Sigh* 

What they did have, however, was a house warming party. 

 

And at this housewarming party, among the Palooza's varied guests and friends from work and church, were many of the familiar neighbors we have come to know and love.  But J-Boy was about to strike GOLD!!

 

Hidden "deep" down a flag lot, private and obscured, was a boy, another J-Boy, the same age as OUR J-Boy, and his little brother, a third J-Boy!  (I think I'll refer to them as J2 and Li'l J)  They've lived there for...TWO...YEARS!!!!!!  And did those guys hit it off.  They, of course, all speak the same language (video-gamese with dialects of Nintendo, PlayStation, etc.), and it turns out that when they weren't inside tackling the various villians of our digital universe, outdoor play was done in respective BACKyards, not fronts.  So neither of us knew that the other even existed!  This discovery is HUGE!! 

We owe the Palooza's a big thank you for giving us all a reason to crawl out from under our rocks!  Hip, Hip,  Hooray!!

A is for Annoyance

 
"Ugh!  WHY do we even HAVE to alphabetize the spelling words??? 
I don't see the point!" J-Boy lamented loudly. 

Without getting into the whole idea that spelling exercises are about hanging out with the words, spending time and getting acquainted with them, I started in on how alphabetizing is an important skill, one you'll use often, blah, blah, blah.

"I don't see how it would even help in organizing anything! 

Continuing with the task I was working on, I said with a smirk, "I'd never be able to find my broom if I didn't always keep it to the left of my mop..." 

"Wh-h-h-at??" he said with a breathy grin.

I looked up with a smile.  He shook his head in a my-mother-is-so-weird kind of way, and quietly, ardently, got his alphebetizing exercise done in less than a minute.

Sometimes derailment is the best tactic to use with him.

Playing Catch (Up)

Big Daddy always says, "Life is for living, not recording."  At the same time, he does enjoy my blog entries (I think!) and he definitely likes looking back at old pix of the kids and our long-gone dogs. 
That being said, he has no sympathy for the concept of being "behind on blogging"
and is more likely to pull me outside to play a little catch now and then.

 So, I decided I would do one massive post to catch you up on some of the stuff
we've been up to for the last *gulp* four months, so I can clear the slate
and leave more time for living.

 Leeeettttttt'ssss seeeeeee.......

I had a lovely getaway with my High School buddies

 

J-Boy graduated from his Adaptive Skills/Behavioral program.

 

And he had a Floor Hockey tournament.

 

The kids enjoyed sibling time.

 

 
 

I retaught myself to knit and actually made something.

 

Apparently I cooked some good food, too.

 

We had one set of grandparents come for a visit.

 

And then the other set came.

 
 

And we skyped with Aunt Vicki.

 
 

J-Girl worked on some sewing projects.

 

J-Boy had a pretty big part in the 6th grade play.

 

We almost adopted a puppy.

 

But worried it wouldn't be fair to Edward.

 

We went to Staples Center/L.A. Live.

  

where J-Girl and her buds ice-skated.

 

 

And then cheered on the Kings.

 

from all but the last row in the stadium.

 

Three of us were able to move to a lower altitude to combat severe acrophobia,
the cure for which, who knew, is cotton candy.

    


The kids grew, J-Boy surpassing his older sister,

 

which made us realize how little time there is before these kids are not kids anymore.
We down-sized one of our business ventures.

 
 

And simplified our life so we can enjoy more leisure time together
while we are, still, all together.

Doing things like playing frisbee golf at our local park.

 

 

And while we stay busy living this life that is for living,
we still take time out to record those cherished moments that make
the living of this life so very precious.

 

"I'll be right there, Sweetheart!"  
I think Big Daddy wants to head up the street to shoot some hoops. 
J-Boy's basketball season starts tomorrow.