Accomodations and Confessions

There are gray areas in life.  I think that goes without saying.  So, when your son has a "developmental disability" you may find yourself always striving to help him rise above it, to teach him to accept the extra challenges he might face with strength and courage, never to use his diagnosis as an excuse or a crutch.  And sometimes, maybe less often than not, you may find yourself taking advantage of the situation when it is convenient, but not necessarily necessary.  Sometimes, you just feel like, even though you are not having a particularly rough time at this very minute, with the extra stuff you do deal with on a regular basis, maybe you want to cash in a few of those chips.  Today, I played one.

J-Boy had a pretty bumpy week at school.  His days are measured on a scale of 1-100, with under 80 being on the low side of "acceptable" behavior.  Now, what I'm about to tell you is by no means a tell- tale of a flawed system that has no real rhyme or reason.  On the contrary, the point system they use at his school is very fair and lends itself to accurate portraits of a day's ups and downs.  So, he started the week in the 70's, on Wednesday he got a 6 (a 6?? Are you kidding me???) and on Thursday he got a 99 and was SOOOOO bummed that he didn't get 100.  In fact, his disappointment carried over to today leaving him with a 70:  perfect behavior in 7 of 10 periods and 0 for the three periods he was hiding in a tent made out of his shirt, fuming about yesterday.  He came home from school and just wanted to escape into the land of video games. 

But Friday is a Karate Day.  After threatening him with no video games for the rest of the day if he didn't change into his uniform, and ignoring him lying in the middle of the dojo when it was warm up time, looking the other way when he ran by the viewing corral sticking his tongue out and raspberrying me, and worst of all, finger-shooting the sensei when he was trying to gain repoire with J-Boy and get him to have some fun, karate was soon over and it was time to hustle the savage beast to J-Girl's guitar lesson.  I must say, that when class was over, he apologized to the two senseis on his own, and decided that he did not deserve the token star that they hand out after class that when you collect enough of them you earn a special prize.  We would wait in the car so he could play his DS and not interrupt J-Girl's lesson.

And music calms the savage beast.  He wanted to hear Queen's "We Are the Champions" and could I please put it on repeat.  About half way through the 7th time through, the music cut out.  Awwww!  We had run out the car battery!  I didn't know that really happened anymore with the newer vehicles.  They have power outlets all over the place in these SUV's--surely I can listen to a half hour's worth of CD without a worry, right?  Luckily I've been a member of AAA for 14 years. 

The nice lady dispatching Roadside Assistance took down all my information, and estimated that they would arrrive in about 40 minutes.  J-Girl was getting out of her lesson in 2, so that would be a fun wait.  Before I could even think about it, I was pulling that card out of my sleeve, just laying that chip on the table.  J-Boy was totally content playing with his DS.  We didn't have any place we needed to be.  And yet, "Well, I know this may not mean anything to you, but my son is with me and he has Autism."  BAM!  "Oh, well let me just put a rush on that for you so you don't have to be waiting there all too long."  "Thanks, that would be very helpful."  J-Boy:  "Why did you say that your son has Autism and that would be helpful?"  "Because, sometimes people have a spot in their heart that makes them do extra nice things for people if they feel like it."  "Oh, well if it makes them get here any faster, that's good." 

Twelve minutes!  Halleluja!  I talked to Sergi for a minute and signed his clipboard.  He disappeared behind the hood of the car with a magic green box, told me to give it a go, and said to have a nice weekend.  Wow!  That was amazing.  "Okay, kids, strap in!"  J-Boy:  "He fixed it just by talking to you??? That's amazing!!" 

I guess all that is a confession in itself, and you'd think that I'd be just unflappable and on Cloud 9 (or saddled with guilt for playing that Autism Ace).  But, some nasty lady was on the road on the way home and she wasn't letting me merge out of a turn only lane, laying on her horn and zipping around me in her sporty '94 Corolla as Nascar as she could (I had that car, I know what it can('t) do).  Now this is what really stunned me about myself:  I got all crazy childish and did the I've-got-an-itch-on-my-cheek-that-I-must-scratch-with-my-well-extended-middle-finger as she passed me by.  What's that all about?  Where'd that come from?  Junior High?  I don't know, but it kinda made me feel better.

Comments

[MIL]

I think I see a parallel in behavior there! From the "What's that all about" to the "Where did that come from?" to the "It kinda makes me feel better." Yet all the time knowing exactly what's going on!! I'm sure there are times J-Boy "stuns" himself, too. He sure does us - in a good way!!!

[Alisa]

Awww. I'm sorry I spread my crappy day potion to you guys! The good thing is that J-Boy is feeling guilt. Please realize how good of a thing that is for him! I don't blame you for playing that card! It has to work for you as much as it works against you right? Did you also know it works at Disneyland? No waiting in lines...Yep, just go to the exit (or sometimes you have to get a pass from the service desk) and they put your whole group right on. Hmmmm....I'm feeling a joint D-trip coming on....
Hope your weekend is better! Let J-Boy know he can always run away to our house. If he/you need a break!

[Lisa]

Oh, yes! I thought it was so awesome of him to just leave the line to get the stars and say to me, "Mom, I don't feel like a deserve one." That's huge. And that he went up to senseis and said sorry for his behavior, unprompted-also huge. And, we have played the Ace at Disneyland and at Legoland. It makes a WORLD of difference. J has a hard time in lines at school, but lines for an hour?? No, thanks! He starts yelling at the birds, "GO AWAY!!!!" Yeah. I don't feel any guilt getting the front-of-the-line pass at those places. :) Anytime you wanna go, just say the word!

[Lisa]

Ha ha, MIL! I have lots of parallel behaviors, don't I? Some good, some not so good. Your son takes responsibility for all of the good ones he and J have in common. Go figure. I think that is a parallel, too. :)