J-Girl left for school this morning with a request form to drop her AP Language and Composition class. And I'm proud of her. Not because she is following in her mother's footsteps (I dropped AP Lit my senior year--and never regretted it, by the way) but because she struggled with the decision. There were tears. She felt like she was a kid who should be pushing herself, rising to the challenge, and yet, two weeks into the school year she could see the amount of stress this class was going to put on her, the attention, time, focus, and energy this one class would require, and how her other classes would suffer for it. (I dropped my class because I didn't like the teacher.)
First Day of School, Aug. 15, 2013, Junior year of High School
I didn't know I felt proud of her until I sat down with my oatmeal to write this blog post. (Ah, soothing oatmeal, warm and a bit heavy, like being calmed with a quilt from the inside. Yes, I do believe it allowed me to slow down and come to terms with my truths.) For, while I did stand by J-Girl's decision, I had been questioning my parenting.
- Am I telling her it's ok not to try?
- Am I giving her the go-ahead to be ok with "average"?
- Am I giving up on the notion of a "good" college for her?
- What kind of mother doesn't push their kid to strive for more, for better?
- Does the taking or not taking of an AP class define whether a person is the kind who strives for success, or slides through life?
My mom shared a post with me and my sister over the weekend, an open letter which begins, "Dear Other Parents At The Park" and goes on to ask them not to lift her kids onto the play structure. "I am not sitting here, 15 whole feet away from my kids, because I am too lazy to get up and help them climb the ladder. I brought them here so they could learn to climb it themselves." It's a great read--find it here.
I thought, oh crap, maybe I am allowing her to circumvent a challenge, letting her choose to ride an elevator instead of taking the stairs. I spent a large amount of time this weekend batting a lot of "oh, crap" thoughts around, but never sat still with those thoughts long enough to listen to the Real Me speak in response. This morning, I could hear the Good Parent I know I am lay down some answers:
Answers:
- No
- No
- No
- Seriously, you're going to go there???
- NO!!!!
J-Girl is going to be just fine. In the grand scheme of things, High School is just a blip on the map--a pimple, if you will, a zit. Don't pick at it too much or it'll leave a scar. I've raised a smart kid, a good kid who makes good decisions. She looks at the Big Picture. She expects success and she knows when to make adjustments and when to stay the course.
While the competition to get into good universities seems to get harder every year, and the shear number of applicants rises and the percentage of acceptances declines, I can relax. It's just Life.
Oh, and I bet you were wondering how J-Boy looked on his first day of High School!
First Day of School, Aug. 15, 2013, Freshman year of High School
Anyway, that's what I was thinking about today while I was eating my oatmeal.
Have a great week!
Shoot, at least she tries the AP classes! The Girl has only tried one and didn't stay for 2 weeks. I think the same things, should I push harder, expect more. Bottom line is if I treat her that way, I'm essentially telling her I don't think she's enough. No college acceptance letter will ever make up for that. This parenting gig isn't all clowns and balloons, although, The Girl is scared to death of clowns anyway.
Posted by: Alisa | September 09, 2013 at 03:49 PM
Thank you, Alisa! I can always count on you to make me feel like I (italicized) am enough! :) Yeah, I guess you could send in the clowns as punishment if The Girl isn't meeting expectations. Lol! With J-Girl, I just have to look at her the wrong way. *sigh*
Posted by: Lisa Flaherty | September 10, 2013 at 07:25 AM