Unique Like Everyone Else

Tuesdays With Oatmeal #2: Parental Guidance Suggested

 

J-Girl left for school this morning with a request form to drop her AP Language and Composition class. And I'm proud of her.  Not because she is following in her mother's footsteps (I dropped AP Lit my senior year--and never regretted it, by the way) but because she struggled with the decision.  There were tears.  She felt like she was a kid who should be pushing herself, rising to the challenge, and yet, two weeks into the school year she could see the amount of stress this class was going to put on her, the attention, time, focus, and energy this one class would require, and how her other classes would suffer for it.  (I dropped my class because I didn't like the teacher.)  

 

First Day of School, Aug. 15, 2013, Junior year of High School

I didn't know I felt proud of her until I sat down with my oatmeal to write this blog post.  (Ah, soothing oatmeal, warm and a bit heavy, like being calmed with a quilt from the inside.  Yes, I do believe it allowed me to slow down and come to terms with my truths.) For, while I did stand by J-Girl's decision, I had been questioning my parenting. 

1. Am I telling her it's ok not to try?  
2. Am I giving her the go-ahead to be ok with "average"?  
3. Am I giving up on the notion of a "good" college for her?  
4. What kind of mother doesn't push their kid to strive for more, for better?  
5. Does the taking or not taking of an AP class define whether a person is the kind who strives for success, or slides through life?  

My mom shared a post with me and my sister over the weekend, an open letter which begins, "Dear Other Parents At The Park" and goes on to ask them not to lift her kids onto the play structure.  "I am not sitting here, 15 whole feet away from my kids, because I am too lazy to get up and help them climb the ladder. I brought them here so they could learn to climb it themselves."   It's a great read--find it here.  

I thought, oh crap, maybe I am allowing her to circumvent a challenge, letting her choose to ride an elevator instead of taking the stairs.  I spent a large amount of time this weekend batting a lot of "oh, crap" thoughts around, but never sat still with those thoughts long enough to listen to the Real Me speak in response.  This morning, I could hear the Good Parent I know I am lay down some answers: 

     Answers:

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. Seriously, you're going to go there???  
5. NO!!!! 

J-Girl is going to be just fine.  In the grand scheme of things, High School is just a blip on the map--a pimple, if you will, a zit.  Don't pick at it too much or it'll leave a scar. I've raised a smart kid, a good kid who makes good decisions.  She looks at the Big Picture.  She expects success and she knows when to make adjustments and when to stay the course.  

While the competition to get into good universities seems to get harder every year, and the shear number of applicants rises and the percentage of acceptances declines, I can relax.  It's just Life.

 

Oh, and I bet you were wondering how J-Boy looked on his first day of High School!

First Day of School, Aug. 15, 2013, Freshman year of High School

 

Anyway, that's what I was thinking about today while I was eating my oatmeal.

Have a great week!

 

FDOS 2012 (First Day of School)

Boy, this summer flew by!  And here we are with the first couple of days of school already under our belt! The kids are starting 8th and 10th grades this year.  I can't believe it!   

What is the opposite of "seeing the light at the end of the tunnel"?  I know that parenting doesn't end when the kids graduate from high school, or even college, (and, let's be honest, beyond!), but childhood does come to an end and I am reluctant to let it go.  My kids are growing up, and it is beautiful, and wonderful, and amazing, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT!  

So, I will savor every minute of their childhoods, and make sure that they value and cherish every minute of them, too.  Big Daddy has always said to them, "What's the most important thing, kids?  Have fun!"  I'll be honest--it would make me cringe.  Because the reality is that life isn't always fun.  There is work to be done.   I worried that a child's definition of fun would leave them disappointed, resentful or feeling cheated in life's more mundane moments.  Or what if they started breaking rules and thrill-seeking in order to heed Big Daddy's counsel?   But, I understood where he was coming from:  attitude is everything.  He was teaching them that they can be happy and have innate joy in whatever it is they are doing, a great and important lesson.  And it is a lesson I am proud to say J-Boy and J-Girl have embraced and live by.  They are truly happy kids.  Which is why I will miss them so much when they are grown and gone.

 

 

Changing Interests

I knew it had happened.  With one kid in High School and the second one, the baby, now in Junior High, I knew Big Daddy and I had entered a new stage of parenting.  So often the day-to-days can just morph into each other such that you don't realize you've been making little subconscious adjustments to how you interact with your kids, how you treat them, how they've been maturing, how their interests are evolving.

And then it hits you one morning while making their school lunches, that little act of kindness, that mom ritual that sends them off for the day with a little bit of your love.  It hits you when you are packing up the Go-gurt.

 

 

"Oh my!  It's time to make a change! 
I need to pack the tube with the
cute girl on it into J-Boy's lunch,
and the one with the cute boy into J-Girl's lunch." 

 

Whoa!  My babies!  I'm not even sure what else to say! 
Mama fall down, go BOOM!

Sew Crafty Halloween

 Happy (belated) Halloween, Everybody! 
Say hello to Liechtenstein and Finn!

 

sources: http://hetalia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Traditional_Liechtenstein.PNG and
http://adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/File:Finn.PNG

 

Whew!  J-Girl and I really put our sewing machine to task this Halloween!  J-Girl made her skirt and sash from scratch, altered a black blouse from Goodwill into a corseted vest, and fabricated a black stand-up collar out of the vest scraps.  J-Boy's Finn hat and backpack were experiments all the way, sculpting, pinning, cutting, sewing, fitting (seam ripping, repinning, refitting, sewing wrong sides out, seam ripping....I think that backpack was put together and taken apart every step of the way!)  But the results made for a happy kid!

 

Whoa, J!  Watch out for that Aperture Laboratories Test Subject!  He's aiming a portal gun straight at your head!  I always thought it would be cool to get inside that mind of yours, but, hey, I didn't mean it literally! 

 

ALTS, aka "Death", aka "Dr. Jekyll", is looking quite official in his Lab gear and identification badge!

 

 ALTS was hanging out with J-Boy a few weeks ago and had this great idea that they could make portal guns with Big Daddy's help.  BD was game and took the boys to the hardware store to research and commandeer some materials. 

So creative!  I love that he bought a couple of small, white trashcans
(see in the background, there?) to cut out the molded, curved plates he needed.

J-Boy's peers and younger recognized his character right off,
but ALTS got "the nod" from all the older teens and twenty-somethings.  :)

With their backpack candy collectors, the boys quickly developed a system to deposit the treats.  At first they struggled with their own bags, then taking each other's candy and putting it into the rightful bag, and finally, just putting the candy they got into the other guy's bag.  The coolest part of this system is that they got to know what each other liked, candy-wise, and started picking the other guy's favorites to put into his bag for him.

 

J-Girl has been a big fan of the anime Hetalia for a couple of years now.  She has made various cosplays (a fan contraction of "costume role play", I think.  And I think calling the anime fans' dress up clothes "costumes" is like calling an "action figure" a "doll".  Ah, but I digress...)  Last year she was the character "Taiwan" and her friend Ray-Ray was "Hungary".  They went to the Anime Expo in LA this summer as "Liechtenstein" and "England", and this Halloween they dressed as alternative renditions of those same characters.

 

 She magically whipped up Ray's blue cape and vest after school on the 31st, and Big Daddy got to work on that little blue top hat.  Bless her heart, she was working all the way up till it was time to head out trick-or-treating.

 

I took the opportunity to snap some shots of Neighbor B. and her buddy.

The girls headed out solo for the second year in a row.  I guess it's a rite of passage of sorts.  We left with the boys before they headed out, and they were gone when we got back.  So responsible, though.  J-Girl made a note and set out our candy for the trick-or-treaters to take.

We brought the bowl in when we got home, and leave it to J-Boy to notice
that "one piece of candy is being contradictory to the sign."

Let it be known that Big Daddy and I NEVER dress up for Halloween.  I don't think it is necessarily burn out from all the themed college parties we attended way back when, so much as we've made the holiday all about the kids.  But this year, perhaps because our kids are now in junior high and high school, or because there was an expectation that Big Daddy costume up for work at the freelance gig he's got right now, but he got into the spirit and put together an awesome boxer costume for himself.  The piece de resistance was the championship title belt he crafted from cardboard and high resolution internet photos and had slung over his shoulder. 

 

Even cuter,  however, is the fact that he's since hung it on the wall in our room. 
Unless Clive Owen comes a-knockin', Big Daddy will forever be my undisputed champ. ;)

The belt hangs proudly next to the cowboy mask that J-Boy gave him for Fathers' Day this year.  Wait a minute....is this actually Big Daddy's "vision board"????  Well, I made one in 2010 with a new refrigerator and a tortoise on it.  If I'm still waiting on those, then it may be a while before these goals manifest for the man!   

 Finally, because we had been invited to a Halloween party, I had to come up with a costume, too.  Goodwill glasses and dress, a borrowed wig from J-Girl, and I am ready to go-go!

We sure had a good time!  The best was running into someone I met at the party a couple days later and them not recognizing me because then I was a blonde!  Ha-ha!  I don't know that blondes have more fun, but I could see having some fun in a disguise!  Hey, J-Girl, I'm gonna keep that wig for a little longer, 'kay?  Yes, a happy Halloween, indeed!

 

Even cuter,  however, is the fact that he's since hung it on the wall in our room.  Unless Clive Owen comes a-knockin', he'll forever be my undisputed champ.)

Hidden Treasure

J-Girl has been a lucky duck.  Neighbor B moved in when she was 6 years old, and the two of them have been peas in a pod ever since.

 

There is another girl in J-Girl's class that lives across the street, and for a few short months there was yet another female classmate who, with her mom, was staying with friends on our little cul de sac, too.  

As kind as these girls are to J-Boy, sometimes including him in their activities or joining him in his, it just isn't the same as playing with his own friends.  We do our best to keep a decent flow of dudes passing through the house on weekends, and he is invited over to their houses equally as much.  But there are times when the envy, the unfairness gets the better of him.  It seems so unjust that his friend-time is something that has to be scheduled, planned in advance, when J-Girl can just wander next door on a whim and, BOOM, half the day--if not the whole weekend--is spent with her bestie. 

The house directly across the street from us went on the market.  It had been a rental, and with every new tenant we always kept our fingers crossed that a nice boy about J's age would move in.  Never happened.  The Palooza's moved in;  they are young, it's their first house, and they only have furry babies for now.  *Sigh* 

What they did have, however, was a house warming party. 

 

And at this housewarming party, among the Palooza's varied guests and friends from work and church, were many of the familiar neighbors we have come to know and love.  But J-Boy was about to strike GOLD!!

 

Hidden "deep" down a flag lot, private and obscured, was a boy, another J-Boy, the same age as OUR J-Boy, and his little brother, a third J-Boy!  (I think I'll refer to them as J2 and Li'l J)  They've lived there for...TWO...YEARS!!!!!!  And did those guys hit it off.  They, of course, all speak the same language (video-gamese with dialects of Nintendo, PlayStation, etc.), and it turns out that when they weren't inside tackling the various villians of our digital universe, outdoor play was done in respective BACKyards, not fronts.  So neither of us knew that the other even existed!  This discovery is HUGE!! 

We owe the Palooza's a big thank you for giving us all a reason to crawl out from under our rocks!  Hip, Hip,  Hooray!!

Playing Catch (Up)

Big Daddy always says, "Life is for living, not recording."  At the same time, he does enjoy my blog entries (I think!) and he definitely likes looking back at old pix of the kids and our long-gone dogs. 
That being said, he has no sympathy for the concept of being "behind on blogging"
and is more likely to pull me outside to play a little catch now and then.

 So, I decided I would do one massive post to catch you up on some of the stuff
we've been up to for the last *gulp* four months, so I can clear the slate
and leave more time for living.

 Leeeettttttt'ssss seeeeeee.......

I had a lovely getaway with my High School buddies

 

J-Boy graduated from his Adaptive Skills/Behavioral program.

 

And he had a Floor Hockey tournament.

 

The kids enjoyed sibling time.

 

 
 

I retaught myself to knit and actually made something.

 

Apparently I cooked some good food, too.

 

We had one set of grandparents come for a visit.

 

And then the other set came.

 
 

And we skyped with Aunt Vicki.

 
 

J-Girl worked on some sewing projects.

 

J-Boy had a pretty big part in the 6th grade play.

 

We almost adopted a puppy.

 

But worried it wouldn't be fair to Edward.

 

We went to Staples Center/L.A. Live.

  

where J-Girl and her buds ice-skated.

 

 

And then cheered on the Kings.

 

from all but the last row in the stadium.

 

Three of us were able to move to a lower altitude to combat severe acrophobia,
the cure for which, who knew, is cotton candy.

    


The kids grew, J-Boy surpassing his older sister,

 

which made us realize how little time there is before these kids are not kids anymore.
We down-sized one of our business ventures.

 
 

And simplified our life so we can enjoy more leisure time together
while we are, still, all together.

Doing things like playing frisbee golf at our local park.

 

 

And while we stay busy living this life that is for living,
we still take time out to record those cherished moments that make
the living of this life so very precious.

 

"I'll be right there, Sweetheart!"  
I think Big Daddy wants to head up the street to shoot some hoops. 
J-Boy's basketball season starts tomorrow.

 

My Girl

To know J-Girl is to be constantly amazed by her talents, musings, and utterly unique character.  She is always true to herself, follows her own interests and explorations. Yesterday she was hip to go on a bike ride, and other days she likes to go to tea with her girlfriends and puruse antique shops.  She stays out of girly dramas and trendiness, and is not concerned by what "the cool kids" are doing, which in fact, makes her one of the cool kids herself, which is pretty cool. 

She has a project list on her bulletin board that is a mile long.  One of her latest endeavors is altering clothing to suit her style.  The dress she is wearing below was an A-line, mid-calf sundress.  She cut off about 12 inches from the bottom, split that into two 6 inch wide lengths, sewed them together and reattached them as a ruffled hem.  She added a pink satin ribbon around the seam.

 

She altered the neckline of the dress from a V to a rounded neck, added a pink satin bow there, and created the bow at the waist from some leftover fabric cut from the hem.

 

She added some pretty white lace trim with petit pink rosettes to the vertical seams of the bodice.

 

♥♥♥   She is beautiful.  I love her so dearly!  ♥♥♥

Mother/Daughter Bunco Night

If you've not heard of it, Bunco is a simple, low-key dice game with a lot of partner switching.  It's really easy to learn, and so simple that it's easy to socialize over while playing.  A group of Bunco players usually consists of 12 players.  I used to play with a group regularly, and one of those women also belonged to a Mother/Daughter Bunco group.  That's so cool, I thought, I wish my Mom lived close enough to be part of a group with me. 

Well, the group disbanded as lives seemed to get busier and busier.  But I always thought about that Mother/Daughter group.  Then I realized something:  I'M a mother!  I have a daughter!  I could start that group!!  And why not?  It's a simple game; no where does it say that teens can't play.  In fact, my Bunco box says "For Ages 7 to Adult."  There is that small gambling element (everyone pitched in five bucks to play).  Mrs. Do-er pointed out that the chance of a monetary prize might be just the thing to pique these girls' interest.  And J-Girl and her friends are fun!  I enjoy their silliness in carpool and at the house, the giggles that spill from them on outings or trickle down from J-Girl's room.  They are a great group of kids, and it is hard to believe that they are a couple blinks away from going off to college, and won't be so big a part of our daily routines.  Yes!  This was a good idea!

Surprisingly, it was difficult to round up 5 other pairs of players.  It seems Friday nights are excellent times for sporting events and school functions, not to mention birthday celebrations or stuck-working-late last minute cancellations.  We ended up with eleven, and I had this penguin stand in for my nieghbor, C. 

As much as I love C, it was almost a nice thing to have Penguin as an ice-breaker.  Having a prior relationship with this penguin, I kept referring to it as a "he", and Neighbor B would pipe up from anywhere in the room, "Hey!!  That's my MOM!!"  It was quite funny, and soon Penguin was having M&M's balanced on his her beak and perhaps even being the preferred partner, as she needed help rolling the dice and keeping score.

All in all, it was a great evening, full on the fun, light on the head injuries.  (Whose idea was it to toss the fuzzy-on-the-outside-hard-on-the-inside dice around?  Oh, mine?  Sorry...)  It would be great if we could manage to get together every month or so.  Are you game?

 

Halloween: version 2010

We had a low-key Halloween this year. I put up very minimal decorations (a "Happy Halloween" sign on the front door and a little plastic pumpkin on our very narrow fireplace mantle) but stuck to my annual get-in-the-spirit-of-spookiness tradition of NOT dusting the diningroom light fixture between September 1st and October 31st. 

It kind of loses its effect when I don't hang the little bats and spiders on it like I usually do.  Oh, well. 

 

I didn't even remember to use "my October voice," as J-Boy calls it:  A ghoulish, spooky, howling-wind type of thing where I draaaaag oooOOOOOOUUUuuuutttt sYYYLLLablesssss with a ghhoooOOOOOOssstly, VAMMMMpiiiirishhhh caaaAAAAAAdddannnccee.  J-Boy hates it and only allows it in October.   

J-Boy knew early on that he would be dressing up as Harry Potter this year.  He started reading the series of books late in the summer and is already almost done with number 7!  He had a funny experience during the summer where we picked up a friend of his from Summer Day Camp and the kids there were all-a-ruckus with shouts and finger-pointing, "Harry Potter!  It's Harry Potter!" because of his longish hair and glasses.  He loved it!

 

I knew we'd be going store bought or borrowed for his costume.  But, for Mrs. Do-er, the news of this costume choice was like some sort of astral-planetary-cosmic collision of good fortune:  three of her favorite loves had aligned--J-Boy, Harry Potter, and knitting!  Look at this beautiful handknit Gryffindor scarf!!!

 

J-Girl was given the go ahead to trick-or-treat without the parents this year.  With that, she and Neighbor B came up with their own schedule for meeting and heading out. I helped J-Girl with making her costume this year, and got it done so under the wire, that it wasn't until later I realized I never took a solo picture of her in it.  She is dressed as a character named Taiwan from a favorite anime series, Hetalia.  (The link here will take you to Episode 1.)

 

I dragged out the photo session with J-Boy and his friend, Death, while J-Girl got dressed and did her hair. 

 

  

 It was like holding back a couple of hornery bulls! 

The boys were rearing to go, and trying to get a couple of shots of the girls before they headed into the darkness-- without us--was, well, a very weird thing.

 
 

J-Boy came across a couple of his wizarding classmates as we made our way around the neighborhood.

And Death was able to find a nice collection of his work to show off. 

  

As is typical, J-Boy got his fill of trick-or-treating sooner rather than later.  Mrs. H. and Death were heading to a gathering a few blocks away, and we decided we would crash tag-along with them.  Knowing the hosting family, we knew they would embrace us for just "showing up."  But Big Daddy thought it best to bring a gift, and also to costume up for the occassion.

He's "The Most Interesting Man in the World!"

 

  Which was perfect cover for crashing a party...

 

 We enjoyed the relaxing conversation and compay, and their cozy fire pit and comforting chili. 

 
 

 

But, alas, even though Hogwarts was closed for instruction the following day, Harry was unable to conjure up the "second wind" spell.  We headed home and found the girls already back from their rampage, too.  I don't think it was even 9pm yet! 

Back to Class 2010

It seems like each school year starts earlier than the last and summer just flies by.  I miss the old days of starting the first Tuesday after Labor Day in September.  August 12th just seems wrong. 

J-Girl is in 8th grade this year.  The last year before High School.  O...M...G!!!  On her first day of 7th grade I marvelled at the physical difference between the 7th graders and the 8th graders.  Now she's one of them!!  She made her skirt and sailor's collar the night before.  So talented!

 

And then there's this guy!  J-Boy is in 6th grade this year.  Even J-Girl can't believe it! *wink* ;)  He is looking a little nervous on this first day of school, because it is the first day at a new school.   He is wearing a strategically chosen video-gaming shirt to attract like-minded students.  It worked!  He made a new friend right away!     

 

Here's to a good year, kids!  You've got brains in your heads and feet in your shoes!  And parents who love you!  Now, go make us proud(er)!