Unique Like Everyone Else

Tuesdays With Oatmeal: Wednesday Edition

The kids had Monday and Tuesday off for Fall Break, and the weekly routine has been shifted a bit.  So here it is Wednesday morning, and I am sitting down to a lovely bowl of oatmeal with a swirl of peanut butter and a few sliced strawberries.  Mmmm.

The Big Question on my mind this morning is "What am I going to wear to work today?"  I've been on a run of dressing debacles lately.  On Monday I tore the butt of my pants on the door hinge of The Thing.  A couple weeks ago I noticed that I had worn a hole into the elbow of one of my favorite cardigans.  We had J-boy's IEP meeting last week and Big Daddy alerted me upon exit, "You know your sweater's on inside-out, right?"  Um, NO! Of course I didn't know it was on inside-out!  

What made that even more humiliating was that I had another embarrassing fashion faux pas at a little pre-IEP pow-wow with the English teacher and the case manager just the week before.  Have you yet met Blaze? 

She was caught nibbling on one of my bras a while back.  Lesson learned: don't cast off your underbits and leave them on the floor when tumbling into bed, no matter how tired you are.  Well, she chewed a bit right in the center, but it wasn't too bad.  A run through the wash and still wearable by my standards. (Unlike those torn pants, but much like the cardi with the sleeves rolled a couple times.  No prob!)

Well, fast forward to after the school conference, I'm leaving feeling like my boy is once again in such a good place, with just the right supports and a good team looking out for him.  Speaking of support...as I was walking out of the classroom I felt a little jab and noted in horror that the underwire of my bra had poked through the little tear made by the dog and been working its way out, making an appearance above the neckline of my shirt.  Ack!!!  

Did they notice?  Did they think I was recording the meeting with a half-hidden mic?  Is that why they were being so sweet, understanding, and forth-coming with strategies and accomodations?  Did they think that everything they said can and will be held against them?  Was it taken the wrong way when I asked them to lean forward and speak loudly and clearly for the record?  Lol!

I have to admit that I kind of like it when embarrassing things like that happen to me because I can laugh about them for days and weeks after the fact.  J-boy has a great sense of humor and does not like to be left out of a joke, so if someone chuckles while reading or surfing the net he always wants to be clued in to the funny.  Since this crazy incident of wardrobe malfunction, many times I've answered his inquiries with, "Still the microphone."

Now, off to puruse the closet for today's disaster-waiting-to-happen.  
Wish me luck!

 

 

Comic Stylings of J-Boy

In this family, we value humor, and J-Boy does his part to contribute to the laughter.  On Friday he came downstairs to put his shoes on for school.

What a goof!  

Big Daddy:  "J, you know you can't wear that to school..."

J-Boy:  "Why not?"

BD:  "Because the teachers will say it's distracting the other kids."

J-Boy:  Blank stare

BD:  "Ok, you can wear it, but the first teacher to tell you to take it off, you do it, and you do it quietly, and immediately."

J-Boy:  "Can I at least say, 'Aww!  You're gonna make me shave here in front of everybody???'"

BD:  "Yeah...Ok...You can say that."

He gets off the bus in the afternoon, sportin' the 'stache.  

BD:  "How'd it go with the mustache today?"

J-Boy:  "Awesome!"

BD:  "How long did you get to leave it on?"

J-Boy:  "All day!!"

 

Well, there is nothing in the school district dress code referencing faux facial hair.  Thank goodness he wasn't trying to wear --*gasp*-- a hat with a team logo on it!

Epiphany

Today, January 6, is the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Epiphany, the day it is said that the Three Wise Men's journey culminated in the Revelation of the  Baby Jesus--God revealed in physical form.

 

 

I was chatting online the other day with an acquaintance from England about when people take down their Christmas decorations.  She said that she generally takes them down somewhere between Jan. 3-5 because it is considered bad luck to keep them up past Epiphany.  I had to laugh (and thank my lucky stars!) because I have always used Epiphany as an arbitrary date that the Christmas decorations can come down NO SOONER THAN.   Haha!

The word "epiphany," based on this divine manifestation, can also mean

"any moment of great or sudden revelation."  (Collins English Dictionary)

On this twelfth day of Christmas, 2012, I had an epiphany.  There were presents that I had squirrelled away that I totally forgot to put under the tree on December 24th.  Whoops! 

So I put together a little festive lunch with the Christmas Crackers I'd also forgotten to bring out when my mom and dad were here (and some Cheez-Its that J-Boy has now dubbed "Epiphany Crackers" to go with the Christmas Crackers) and gave the kids their bonus gifts.

 

 Happy Epiphany, Everyone!

 

Big Daddy: He Can't Help What He Is

Big Daddy and I were out running errands the other afternoon.  We were feeling pressed for time with yet another evening meeting at the school (J-Girl's this time--Freshman Parent Orientation with focus on college planning and strategies to get 'em there).  We made a pit stop for gas and made an impromptu decision to just grab dinner from the adjacent Del Taco.  Divide and conquer:  while I attended the pump BD made the food run. 

I was hypnotized by the digital display, thinking about how I was simultaneously filling my tank while draining my bank account, when I was approached by a nice looking twenty-something, greeting me kindly, but obviously wanting something.  Could I spare a couple of bucks so he and his girlfriend could catch the bus?  Well, I never carry cash and told him I had nothing, glancing at the pump display to see if I could cut short and get out of there.  Shoot.  I almost forgot about Big Daddy.

Big Daddy is the sucker nice one in our relationship.  And since the stranded couple was still lingering, looking ready to challenge my claim of no cash (Really?  Even 50 cents would be a big help, ma'am.) I offered him up to them.

Me:  "Well, my husband is over there in the Del Taco if you want to check with him..."

Him:  "In the Del Taco?  Uh...I guess I could...How will I know who he is?"

Me:  "He's tall, dark, and handsome."

Him:  "Tall, dark, and handsome, huh?  Ha-ha. Ok..."

Me:  "Oh...and I think he's wearing  a blue shirt and brown shorts."

Big Daddy comes strolling out of Del Taco with a big grin on his face, shaking his head.  "You're such a dork," he says when he reaches me.  Beyond him the guy is waving two dollars at me and yelling, "Thank you!"

A few days later we were in Barnes and Nobel when a stranger gives me a great big grin and hello.  "Ha-ha," I say to BD, "he thinks I'm someone else!"  "No," Big Daddy replies. "I was just over by the magazines and he called me tall, dark, and handsome. So, yeah, he knows you...dork."

Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em.  And as for being a dork?  Yeah, I can't help what I am either.

 

Who's Your Santa?

I was folding laundry yesterday.  Christmas was a solid eight months ago, today being Sept. 2, right? 

 

 

Wait a minute -- I think these pajama pants are actually from the 2009 holiday season.  So that is a good year-and-a-half-plus that these babies have been making their way through the Flaherty Fluff 'n' Fold.

 

 

This is not a post about wearing Christmas clothes off season.  No, I really couldn't care less about what is worn when or with what.  White pants after Labor Day?  Go for it.  Flannel PJ's with a Santa motif in summer?  Knock yourself out. 

 

 

No,  this post is about unknowingly, yet perhaps, subliminally encouraging your now twelve (then ten!) year old kid not only to drink beer, but to "heart" beer and to share beer, and to drink beer in large quantities. 

 

        

 

Eighteen months have passed, and yet, I never noticed that the new jammies the Christmas Elf delivered to J-Boy one joyous Chistmas Eve had anything other than cute polar bears with eco-friendly messages mixed with rockin' guitars,  skulls in Santa hats, and the smarmy "Who's Your Santa?" designs.  I guess I...I mean, that Elf needs to be a more careful shopper now that my baby has outgrown the mainstays of the kids' department.  These PJ's are an Adult XS.

 

Hey, J-Boy!!  Be a good lad and go crack Mama open a cold one, will ya'?  Atta Boy!

 

Ha!  If you could only feel the discomfort he is emitting while indulging me with this pose!
I sure do love that kid! 

Now, seriously, give me that beer...

 

Rookie Move

Summer's here, poeple. 

Don't forget to put sunscreen on the tops of your feet!

 

 

This, after being made fun of for buying enough SPF 50 at Costco
to protect half the beach all summer long.

Slug Bug

When we were little and would go on family road trips, and there were no video games (what!?) or in-car DVD players (gasp!!), my sister and I would count Volkswagen bugs to pass the time.  Sun Bugs, the bronzy-gold metallic ones, were worth 2 points.  Lucky, the one who spotted one of them!

In my 'tween years I was introduced to a stealthier game: spotting out-of-state license plates.  First to see one of these babies would sock her friend hard on the arm with a triumphant call, "Out-of-state!  No return!" the "no return" part meaning, "no hitzees-backzees".  The bummer was you'd always lose the first round before you even knew you were playing. 

I guess as all things are like to do, the games morphed over time, and a couple of years ago I learned of a rendition called "Slug Bug" where you hit (slug) someone in the arm when you are first to spot a VW bug.  Volkswagen has since embraced the craze, tweaking it to call awareness to their entire line of vehicles with an ad campaign that demonstrates calling out any VW model by its color whenst delivering the blow.  "Green one!" "Blue one!"

 

 

We Flahertys tried to get a little creative with the game using our fondness of rhymes, AND to increase opportunities for gratuitous violence between us.  (Please know that is a joke...)  We added:

The "SUV Shove"

 The "Cop Bop"

 The "Saturn Pattern" which involved rhythmic poking

 The "Beamer Femur," a good knuckle punch to the leg for a BMW sighting

 The "Jeep Jab" and

 The "Kayak Smack" (rare, but my personal fave)

 

Big Daddy wanted to add one for trucks, but I told him I had a headache...

Anyway, this was a game for playing in the car.    Until one day, as we were coming out of a Starbucks we spotted two friendly Sheriff's Deputies enjoying a coffee break.  Two feet from them, J-Boy reaches up to enthusiastically wonk me on the head saying, "Cop Bop!!"  Can you say, "mortified"???  We scurried to the car where I explained that it was GAME OVER and why.  We agreed to go back to counting VW Bugs for points--convertibles would be worth 2.

Sadly, the game has fallen out of favor.  Part of the reason could be that somewhere along the line silver convertibles became worth 5 million points instead of just 5.  We have one that lives down the street from us.  Everyone knows it's there, and the game could end in two blocks if it is in the driveway and someone in the car decides to play and calls it out.

 

Sweet Revenge?

Boy, we thought our rabbit, Edward, was a bit territorial and intolerant of dogs coming to visit our house.  Who knew he would have such a visceral reaction to a guest, invited or not, of his own species!

 

 

Can one be "eaten in effigy"?

 

With all the other available candy in these baskets, unwrapped jeweled jellybeans, morsels of decadently wrapped chocolate that could be taken in entirety....

 

....he only attacked the large, rabbit-shaped items.  Clearly, a mob-like message sent to Don Easter Bunny. 

 

Notice a resemblance??

 

Well, Edward, what do you have to say for yourself??

"I made him the offer, and he refused it, so badaBOOM."

Mannequin Madness: Final Edition

Alas, J-Boy started at a new school this year, and I've been so caught up in evaluating how he is managing the change, adapting to the new program, and reveling in the excitment of how successful he has been that I completely forgot about a part of my life left behind.

 Life has its twists and turns, and relationships that were once kept strong by a common orbiting force can quickly become a part of the past, irrelevant to your current reality, your day-to-day comings and goings. 

And then I saw her, unexpectedly, outside of that circle that bound us.

 

It was weird seeing her like that, out shopping in a rural town way out in the middle of nowhere.  I could feel her eyes burn into me with recognition.  I felt I had no choice but to go up to her and say hello.

 
 

The awkwardness was palpable.  She made no effort to shed any warmth or feign social niceties.  She said that she had heard through the grapevine that J-Boy was transferring to another school, then bitterly stared into the distance as she spat seethingly about "the uncaring nature of SOME people who don't bother to keep in touch but let strangers be the bearers of news."  I knew then that she had hardened in a way that I would never be able to break through.

I was in the old neighborhood recently.  I drove by her house knowing I'd see her.  I thought about stopping in, but I knew it would be no use.  Our lives had headed in separate directions and this, this madness, for me, was over. 

 

Purpose Defeated

He's trying to make a statement with his car; it's an extension of himself, his masculinity.  The oversized exhaust, wide tires.  And yet, the "tough factor", the "cool" that he is going for is somehow neutralized...